|
Back to the Table of Contents Bomb Factory Button Factory Dunkirk Father Abraham Father Damien Games Hanky Panky Hi, My Name is Lee If I Had a Hard-On I'm in Love With the Girl Next Door Lion-Hunt Song Lion-Hunt Song (variation) Macdonald's Farm Music Man My Hat It Has Three Edges One On the Table Singing In the Rain Slave Cheer and I-Feel-Like-I'm-Fixing-To-Worship Rag There Is Nothing Like a Dame Today is Monday Twelve Days of Ramadan Would You Like . . . ? A Variation of the Button Factory (See Next Song) Contributed by Los Alamos Hashers CHORUS: Hi, my name is Lee, I work in atom bomb factory, Got a desk, three phones (all tapped), And the boss he say to me, Lee, are you spying? I say, No! He say, then stuff this secret up your right sleeve! WORDS & ACTIONS: Left sleeve Right pants leg Left pants leg Collar Throat Big fat ass etc . . . LAST CHORUS: Hi, my name is Lee, I work in atom bomb factory, Got a desk, three phones (all tapped), And the boss he say to me, Lee, are you spying? I say, "YES!" No melody, more of a chant with a fast, steady beat CHORUS: Hi, my name is Joe, And I work at the button factory, Got a wife, three kids - all brats, And the boss he says to me: He says, "Joe, are you busy?" I say, "No." He says, "Push this button with your __________" WORDS & ACTIONS: Left finger Right finger Left toe Right toe Nose Big fat ass etc . . . LAST CHORUS: Hi, my name is Joe, And I work at the button factory, Got a wife, three kids - all brats, And the boss he says to me: He says, "Joe, are you busy?" I say, "YES!" Melody - It's a Long Way to Tipperrary It's a long way to Tipperrary, It's a long way to go, It's a long way to Tipperrary, I walked it, so I know, Good bye, Sticky Willie, Farewell, pubic hair, It's a long way to Tipperrary, And I've never been there. Note - the idea is to get the circle singing and marching while re-enacting Dunkirk. During the song various members act out pieces of the story while everyone else sings and marches. It helps if you've seen it performed before. Parts are: Sperm in soldier's ball bag Dog barking Cock crowing Distant marching (stamp feet) Sergeant shouting Luftenbastards attacking (several hashers wheel left in a circle shooting at everything with arms outstretched) Biggles and the R.A.F. (several hashers wheel right in a circle shooting at everything with hands around eyes to look like goggles) Anti-aircraft fire (several hashers raise arms and pom-pom fire) Melody - Itself Leader: Father Abraham had seven sons, Seven sons had Father Abraham, And he never smiled, And he never cried, All he did was go like this - With a right! All (shout/actions): With a right! (extend right arm) Leader: Father Abraham had seven sons, Seven sons had Father Abraham, And he never smiled, And he never cried, All he did was go like this - With a right! All (shout/actions): With a right! (extend right arm) Leader: And a left! All (shout/actions): And a left! (extend left arm) More verses/actions: With a right! (extend right leg) With a left! (extend left leg) And a HEEEE! (hump pelvis) And a HUUHH! (turn around, drop pants, moon pack) Melody - as for "Father Abraham" Composed by Flying Booger in honor of Father Damien, who cared for the lepers of Molokai Father Damien, had seven toes, Seven toes had Father Damien, And he decomposed, In bits and chunks, And he always went like this - With a right! All (shout/actions): And a right! (kick out right leg) Oops! Father Damien, had six toes,etc . . . (What to do when you want to get a bunch of hashers totally shitfaced) Tap Tap Game: Everybody sits around a table with both hands on the table. Each person places his or her hands between the hands of the people sitting next to him, so that each person at the table has two strange hands in front of him. One person taps a hand, and tapping goes around the circle to the right, hand by hand. It may be your hand's turn or someone else's hand's turn. It may seem like it ought to be your hand's turn, but it's hard to keep it straight. Anyway, tapping continues right around the circle until two people tap at once, at which point tapping reverses and goes to the left. The person who blew it chugs a beer, or maybe everyone in the circle chugs. One can see where this game is headed . . . "What Is It" Game: Take any two different everyday objects and sit in a circle with at least seven or eight people. One person holds both objects (you, for example). You give one to the person on your right. You say, "This is a vibrator" (you can call the object whatever you want to call it - representational truth does not matter for the purposes of this game). The person on your right then asks "What is it?" You repeat, "This is a vibrator." The person to your right hands the object to the person on his or her right, and says, "This is a vibrator" (don't change the name). The person on his or her right asks, "What is it?" The person on your right turns back to you and asks, "What is it?" You say, "This is a vibrator." The person on your right tells the person on his or her right, "This is a vibrator." And the vibrator moves to the right around the circle in this manner, with the question "What is it?" always being relayed back to you, and your answer, "This is a vibrator" always being relayed forward to the next person to get it. Now, at the same time you started the "vibrator" around to the right, you handed the other object to the person on your left, saying "This is a dildo" (or whatever). This object moves around to the left while the other object moves around to the right, and it gets pretty hard to keep things straight when both objects pass on the far side of the circle. The "Pink Thing" Game. Some hashes award a Pink Thing to hashers when they reach a specified number of runs, usually 25. The Haberdasher is responsible for having Pink Things made up (scarves, ribbons, hash bibs, whatever - as long as they're pink). At the awarding ceremony, the Pink Thing is hidden somewhere in the clothing of a hasher of the opposite sex. The awardee then has to find and retrieve the pink thing - without using his or her hands. Melody - Hokey Pokey Written by Julie (Cucumber ) Hart, Phuket H3 You give the right eye wink You give the left eye wink You give the "come here" wink And he buys us both a drink CHORUS: You do the hanky panky Get his trousers down That's what it's all about You do the top lip lick You do the bottom lip lick You give a little giggle 'Cause he thinks you'll lick his prick You put your right tit out You put your left tit out Nipples getting harder So you shake them all about You put your right cheek out You put your left cheek out You give a little wobble Watch his eyes pop out You put your right leg out You put your left leg out Spread them at the knees So he can see what it's about You put the right hip out You put the left hip out Grab him by the ballocks And you squeeze until he spouts You put your pelvis in You put your pelvis out Go a little faster And you grind it all about You give the right ear groan You give the left ear groan Grind a little faster 'Cause he's going to drop his load You give a right cheek kiss You give a left cheek kiss Hate to be a liar But you tell him it was bliss We've done the hanky panky Got his trousers down So fuck off! Melody - none (chant and motions as in Button Factory, above) Contributed by Half Pipe, Los Alamos HHH Hi, My name is Lee and I work in a bomb factory. I got a job with three phones (All Tapped!) and my boss he says to me, He says "Lee, are you spyin?" I say "Si!" He says "Well hide this secret in your left sleeve!" (repeat) He says "Well hide this secret in your right sleeve!" (repeat) He says "Well hide this secret in your left sock!" (repeat) He says "Well hide this secret in your right sock!" (repeat) He says "Well hide this secret in your butt!" (repeat) He says "Well hide this secret in your mouth!" mm, mm mmm mmm mmm mm mm mmm mm m mmm mmmmmmmm m mm m mmm mmmm mmmmm mmmmmm (mm mmmmmm!) mmm mm mmmm mm mmmm mm mm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmmmmm m mmm NO! Melody - If I Had a Hammer Written by Neptunus, The Hague HHH Oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh Oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh Oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh If I had a hard-on, A hard-on in the morning, A hard-on in the evening, An all-night stand. I'd screw without danger, I'd screw without a warning, I'd screw you, and you, Your mother and your sister, Ah-ah, all night long. (Action: hold dick as if in pain) Oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh Oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh Oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh But I don't have a hard-on, No hard-on in the morning, No hard-on in the evening, No hard-on at all. So there is no danger, You don't need a warning, I won't screw you, and you, Your mother nor your sister Oh-no, I want to die. (Action: wipe tears from face) Oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh Oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh Oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh I bought myself a dildo, A dildo for the morning, A dildo for the evening, To screw around all night. I screw without danger, Now I screw without a warning, But I won't screw you, or you, Your mother nor your sister, Oh-no, I sodomize myself. (Action: hold ass as if in pain) Oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh Oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh Oh-eh-oh-eh-oh-eh Melody - ? I believe this has actions (thus its inclusion in Hash Calisthenics), but have not seen it performed - F.B. Contributed by Copenhagen HHH I'm in love with the girl next door (smell my finger) She's a big one (smell my elbow) She's enormous (smell my armpit) She's gigantic (smell my ankle) Everyone gathers in a circle and faces right, so that they look at the back of the hasher in front of them. Then everyone pulls his or her pants up tight to form a wedgie. If hats are available they should be worn backwards. Everyone places his or her tongue between the lower lip and teeth. Then everyone stamps on the ground in a 1-2-3-4 cadence and begins marching around in the circle. The songmeister shouts out each line, which is immediately shouted back by everyone else in the circle. CHORUS: We're going on a lion-hunt! (march around stamping) We're not afraid! (continue stamping) We've got guns! (pantomime holding rifles) And bullets two! (hold up two fingers) Came upon a mountain! (peak hands to form mountain) Couldn't go 'round it! (move one hand around the "mountain") Couldn't go across it! (move one hand over the "mountain") Had to go through it! (digging motions with both hands) OTHER VERSES (done in same manner as "mountain" verse): Came upon an ocean! Couldn't go 'round it! Couldn't go across it! Had to swim through it! Came upon a jungle! Couldn't go 'round it! Couldn't go across it! Had to cut through it! Came upon a desert! Couldn't go 'round it! Couldn't go across it! Had to fly over it! LAST VERSE: Came upon a lion! Melody - Lion Hunt By Stallion, Copenhagen HHH Note: You'll have to think of your own gestures! We're going down on a woman's cunt We're not scared Cause we got tongues And condoms too Came across a pussy A fucking wet pussy Couldn't go over it Couldn't go around it Had to lick through it (repeat the first part) Came across a virgin A fucking young virgin First I fucked through it Blood came out of it Had to tam pack it (repeat the first part) Came across two holes Fucking big holes Lots of hairs around them Couldn't decide which one Shit I chose the wrong one Melody - MacDonald's Farm (Take turns leading verses) Old MacDonald had a farm, Ee-ei-ee-ei-oh. And on this farm he had some cows, Ee-ei-ee-ei-oh. CHORUS (SINGING & MOTIONS): And the cows were cowing it here, And the cows were cowing it there, Cowing it here, cowing it there, Cowing it everywhere Old MacDonald had a farm, Ee-ei-ee-ei-oh, And on this farm he had some rams, Ee-ei-ee-ei-oh, SECOND CHORUS: And the rams were ramming it here, And the rams were ramming it there, Ramming it here, ramming it there, Ramming it everywhere, And the cows were cowing it here, And the cows were cowing it there, Cowing it here, cowing it there, Cowing it everywhere . . . MORE VERSES: Bulls - bulling, Dogs - sniffing, Turkeys - gobbling, Geese - goosing, Pullets - pulling, Sheep - shedding, Whales - spouting, Sharks - finning, etc . . . Melody - Itself (Take turns leading verses) Leader: I am the music man and I come from down your way, and I can play . . . Pack: What can you play? Leader: I can play the viola. CHORUS (SINGING & MOTIONS): Oh, the vio-vio-vio-la, vio-la, vio-la, vio-vio-vio-la, vio-vio-la. Leader: I am the music man and I come from down your way, and I can play . . . Pack: What can you play? Leader: I can play the piano. SECOND CHORUS: Oh, the pia-pia-pia-no, pia-no, pia-no, pia-pia-pia-no, pia-pia-no, Vio-vio-vio-la, vio-la, vio-la, vio-vio-vio-la, vio-vio-la. OTHER INSTRUMENTS: Trom-bone, French Horn, Cym-balls, Pica-low, Sexa-phone, Big Bass Drum, Boss' Knob, Shit House Door, Natalie Wood, Michael Jackson, Grace Kelly, Pope John Paul, etc . . . Melody - Itself Contributed by Alte Stein, Hamburg HHH (replace one word with a gesture each time around until the entire song is done with gestures, not words) My hat it has three edges, Three edges has my hat, Would it not have three edges, It would not be my hat. Melody - Guantanamera (Pay for the table first) One on the table, There's only one on the table, One on the taaaa-ble, There's only one on the table Two on the table! There's only two on the table, Two on the taaa-ble, There's only two on the table Three on the table! etc . . . Melody - Singing in the Rain (Some say this song is supposed to end with group mooning; others insist it's supposed to end with group farting. If you can get a group of hashers to fart all at once, you're a better song master than I . . .) CHORUS: Ah-zuppa-dah, zuppa-dah, zuppa-dah-dah, Zuppa-dah, zuppa-dah, zuppa-dah-dah. We're singing in the rain, Just singing in the rain, What a glorious feeling, We're hap! hap! happy again, Verse/action: Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Arms out! Repeat chorus adding new line and action each time: Hands together! Thumbs up! Elbows bent! Shoulders back! Chest out! Stomach in! Ass out! Knees together! Heels together! Toes together! Melody - Fish Cheer and I-Feel-Like-I'm-Fixing-To-Die Rag, by Country Joe and the Fish By Fuk Stik (dedicated to the mistresses of the California Larrikins HHH) Head Slave: Gimme a S! Response: S! Gimme a L! L! Gimme a A! A! Gimme a V! V! Gimme a E! E! What's that spell? SLAVE! What's that spell? SLAVE! What's that spell? SLAVE! Come on all you, big strong men, The Hash Mistress is here again. We've all gathered in Hillcrest Just in case she shows some breast. So get on your knees and avert your eyes, We're gonna hear her cat-o-nine fly Chorus: And it's one, two, three What are we kneeling for? Don't ask me I don't give a damn Next stop is the promised land! And it's five, six, seven, Hope it's not to late, There ain't no time to wonder why, Whoopee! Watch the whip fly... Well come on worms, let's move fast, Your big chance chance has come at last. Gotta go out and show that ass -- The only good man is one that's thrashed. And you know when it's all done, If you've been good, you might get to cum... And it's one, two, three What are we kneeling for? Don't ask me I don't give a damn Next stop is the promised land! And it's five, six, seven, Hope it's not to late, There ain't no time to wonder why, Whoopee! Watch the whip fly... Mistress, Mistress, tell me please What I do now that I'm on my knees... Whip me, beat me, make me yours All I want is to be on all fours. Tease me, taunt me, just give me a chance To see what's in those PVC pants... And it's one, two, three What are we kneeling for? Don't ask me I don't give a damn Next stop is the promised land! And it's five, six, seven, Hope it's not to late, There ain't no time to wonder why, Whoopee! Watch the whip fly... When it's all over and I am beat, I'm still wondering about my meat. She's taken my spirit, she's taken my pride, And all I got left is a sore behind. I guess it's not my place to think, Just to lick her boots and eat her pink! And it's one, two, three What are we kneeling for? Don't ask me I don't give a damn Next stop is the promised land! And it's five, six, seven, Hope it's not to late, There ain't no time to wonder why, Whoopee! Watch the whip fly... Melody - There Is Nothing Like a Dame, from South Pacific Contributed by Elephant Dick LEADER: There is nothing like a dame, Nothing, in the world, There is nothing you can name, That is anything like a dame. PACK MEMBER: Oh yeah? What about a mackerel that dies at sea and floats to shore and lies there stinking in the sun all day? LEADER: There is one thing like a dame, One thing, in the world, There is one thing you can name, That is something like a dame. PACK MEMBER: What about an ATM machine that takes your card and drains all the money out of your account? LEADER: There are two things like a dame, Two things, in the world, There are two things you can name, That are something like a dame. PACK MEMBER: How about a rotten job that sucks away all your energy and enthusiasm and leaves you a mere shell of a man? LEADER: There are three things like a dame, Three things, in the world, There are three things you can name, That are something like a dame. Take turns until you run out of ideas . . . Back to the top of the Page Leader: Today is Monday! All: Today is Monday! Leader: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion) All: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion) CHORUS: Leader: Are we gonna have a good time? All: You bet your ass we are! All: (raise cups over heads and make one complete turn while humming) Da da dut da da, da da dut da da Leader: Today is Tuesday! All: Today is Tuesday! Leader: Tuesday is a finger day! (fingering motion) All: Tuesday is a finger day! (fingering motion) Leader: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion) All: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion) Chorus (now that you've got the idea, here are the rest of the days) Wednesday is a hmmmm day! (stick tongue between 2nd & 3rd fingers) Thursday is a drinking day! (raise glass in salute) Friday is a fucking day! (humping motions, cheering, happiness) Saturday is a hashing day! (running motions, cheering, happiness)day of rest Sunday is a hashing day (low key, almost quiet) (modify as needed for local hashing day, etc . . .) Melody - Twelve Days of Christmas This version written by Ken (Bollox) Sowton of Phuket HHH On the first day of Ramadan King Khalid gave to me, A book by Salman Rushdie (throw to ground and stamp on it) Yemenese (big spit) Three Ayatollahs (sing "ayatollah, ayatollah," to tune of Hallelujah Chorus while bowing in prayer) Four Iraqi minesweepers (put hands over ears and stamp feet) Five Iranian terrorists (jump forward and spray circle with machine gun fire) Six cruise missiles (sing "We're coming to blow you away, ha-ha, hee-hee, ho-ho") Seven U.S. soldiers (shout "one, two, three, four, I love the Marine Corps" while marching in place) Eight blindfolded hostages (sing "Show me the way to go home" while stumbling about with arms outstretched) Nine raving mullahs (shout "Israel must go, Israel must go" while shaking fists in air) Ten Scud missiles (put fingers in ears and say, "nanny-nanny boo-boo, you missed me!" ) Eleven open sewers (sing "what a pong, what a pong, etc" to tune of William Tell Overture) Twelve circumcisions (sing "ooh that hurts, ooh that hurts" to tune of The Music Man while running around holding groins) Melody - Hava Nagila Would you like a penis in your ear? (shouted) Would you like some urine in your beer? (shouted) (singing and dancing) No sir, I think not, No sir, not likely, No sir, I'd really rather not (repeat as often as you want and create different verses, while dancing in circles) |